Alpine Spam #8: Redneck Rules
for Ice Climbing, parkway photos
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What the world needs is more red necks. I know that is a strange sounding
statement but I happen to believe that it is true. A proper red neck lives by a
code of ethics. I think that movies like deliverance have placed a negative
stereotype on this particular segment of society. Not all red necks are
interested in hearing you squeal like a pig. That brother marrying the sister
thing, happens a lot more at the north end of the #93 Parkway then around here
in the Banff area. A red neck is 90 percent more likely to stop and give you a
hand if your stranded on the side of the road. Their sense of honour is what is
needed in modern politics. So rather than having a cheating, double crossing set
of guidelines I feel the need for the "Red Neck Rules of Ice
Climbing".
Alpine Spam's
Redneck Rules for Ice Climbing
1. If you climb under somebody and you get whacked with
ice suck it up, cause you were in the wrong. There are periods of opportunity
where you could sneak around someone or climb up a pitch to get out of the way,
use them quickly and wisely, leave room for error. The Weeping Wall and Louise
Falls are classic examples. Nobody likes dropping ice on other people so it is
the passing climbers responsibility to stay out of harms way.
2. Passing somebody don't make you King of the hill.
However like chess it does give you better position. Of course you have to
respect the rights of the other players but the ice is in your control. The
Rockies is a popular place and not really as big as we let on. Most climbs can
be managed with more than one party if people work together.
3. Don't cater to guided groups. They are normally a pretty
good bunch to have around. The guides know what they are doing and will not
set up under popular multi pitch areas. They should always be early enough or
with a small enough party that they can work around you.
4. Don't let the Ice know your scared. Art of War "know
yourself, know your enemy and you'll never lose a battle" Like a good
pony, ice can smell fear. Nervous apprehension is good for the soul as long as
it does not affect the mind and body. Musashi said it best in the Book of Five
Rings when describing the state of ones mind in combat ..." when
practising martial arts ( Ice Climbing) ...let there be no change at all--with
the mind open and direct... neither tense nor lax.. centring the mind so there
is no imbalance...Even when the mind is still it is not still, even when the
mind is hurried it is not hurried... the mind is not dragged by the body, the
body is not dragged by the mind....even if superficially weak hearted be
inwardly strong hearted and do not let others see into your mind..."
5. Never spit or swear in front of women or children.
It is just plain bad manners. It shows a poor upbringing and a complete
disrespect for all the good things your parents tried to teach you.
6. If you know you are slow start stupidly early. This
give you the best chance of not having some hot dog solo up past you, set up,
then lead above you. Gives plenty of lead and control of your line. It is nice
to be coming off when the afternoon shift arrives.
7. Defend the defenceless. Help out if you think
someone needs it. This is a tough one because you can feel a little intrusive.
If you see an accident in the making I guess you have to step in because you
will have to deal with the aftermath. Blatant errors are acceptable, nit picking
is unacceptable.
8. Smoke em if yeh got em!
Back that first rappel up with a quick screw when using old ice anchors. Takes
little time and can save a world of grief.
--
Keep your stick on the ice and your crampons sharp.
Joe McKay
Box 2147
Banff, AB
Canada
T1L 1B9
mckay@monarch.net
www.mountainguide.com
1 800 760 8536
403 762 8536 Home/Office
780 852 1984 Columbia Icefields
403 762 5731 Cell
Banff Activity Centre
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things
that
you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the
bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your
sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain.